It happens to all marriages eventually. You get into a disagreement which escalates into a fight which lasts for days, possibly weeks. The love of your life has changed into someone you hardly know anymore. You start to re-evaluate whether you can live with this person forever. How can you save marriage from divorce?
The first thing to realize is that this is a normal process of being with another person. All relationships ebb and flow with some regularity. There are times when you are in the pinnacle of love. The two of you are in harmony in decisions and attitudes. You enjoy spending time together. Then there are the times when you think, “What did I do???” But it is important to remember that the low times are just a season in your marriage. Stick it out and you will get back to the mountaintop. You have the choice of whether to let negative thoughts replay in your mind. Do not let your mind get into that trap. Think of one positive trait of your husband and, when you are feeling especially angry at him, say, aloud, that trait.
When you are in the valley of despair you may want to try a simple psychological trick. Pretend that you are really in love with your spouse. It sound crazy, but often feelings follow actions. The book “The Love Dare” has forty days of assignments for you to carry out for your spouse. The emphasis is not on trying to change your spouse, but to show him that you love him. If you start by pretending, soon you will be really feeling the emotions that you have pretended. Make your husband his favorite meal. Send him a love note to work. Do one of his detested jobs at home for him. Really listen to his account of his day.
Having similar religious beliefs is a vital part of a growing marriage. If you are not involved in a church look around and find one in your town. Most churches have age-related couples groups that you can join. Pastors are trained in marriage counseling, so if you need some outside advice he would be a wonderful resource (and it’s usually free!) Having friends who are couples will help put your problems in perspective. Find times to laugh together. Sign up for a class in a mutual interest area. Carve a date night routine into your schedules.
But, if there is any physical abuse involved, I want to emphasize, get help immediately. There is no reason you must endure that sort of abuse. It is not your fault. You are not to blame. It is your job to protect yourself and your children from an abusive spouse. You can talk to your pastor, call the police, or find a domestic abuse hotline to call. Do not wait and hope that it will get better on its own. This is something incredibly serious that must be dealt with at the first sign of physical abuse.
